Against all odds.

I'm so busy, the only thoughts in my little brain are "portfolio essays portfolio essays portfolio essays." Sometimes I wish art schools took academics more into account than they do, because I feel like it would make up for what's lacking in my artistic skills. But at the same time I want my artistic ability to make up for my slightly off GPA. I think overall I will be just another average applicant, and that is what really frightens me.

Because my confidence depends on my ability to be the best at what I love to do, and I don't think that it's a good thing, no matter how motivating it is. I simply can't be the best at everything I do. I mean, it's just not feasible? I'm not sure what I mean.
This obsession really only developed last year, and I hope it tones down soon. Because I realize there isn't a lot of importance in being the best, as long as one tries their best. But if I can push my best effort to being the best there is, then why shouldn't I? Such cognitive dissonance comes with such self-serving thoughts.
When I don't feel the need to conquer everyone is when I feel most peaceful. Hopefully pursuing an education in something so subjective will tame this wild beast within! It really is an ugly thing...

I submitted an observational drawing to my other account. Because that's the sort of thing I'm concentrating on nowadays.

I just want everyone to be okay. If I understood, I would be okay.

Where has this month gone?

I LOVE YOU.

YOU'RE a good friend

I would like

to be isolated for a while.
I really don't understand some types of people.


Particularly my own type, I guess.